Meth, stigma, and…..pajama jeans?

  So, this past week I had to delay my methotrexate dose by 4 days. And boy did I suffer. Joint pain galore. But today it’s finally becoming manageable. I need a different way to take this stuff – maybe split the dose into twice a week – so I don’t have that wear-off effect.

 It’s either that, or I’ve been in a flare despite the meth.

 And something else – over on www.rawarrior.com , Kelly talks a lot about the stigma of RA. Wtf? Why is it such an embarrassment? Her latest article is on Rosalind Russell, the movie star, and her battle with RA, and her privacy about it. And that’s it – private. Everyone with this, is so private that proper info doesn’t get circulated. People don’t get the devastation, the altered lifestyle, the pain, and deformity. Lucille Ball had RA too. Did you know that? And Kathleen Turner let people think she was an addict, rather than admit what she had.

 Why?? It’s not an old people disease – children get it. And it’s crippling. Suddenly you can’t do normal things, ie…. opening a door can be hard some days, cutting your own food, picking up a cup of coffee, walking through the store – or even holding the steering wheel to drive. Forget about picking up something that weighs more than 2 pounds. Now, you have a new ‘normal’ – you figure out how much you can do in one day, without making yourself bedridden for the next few days. You weigh what activities are worth severe pain afterwards, and what aren’t. Let me tell you it sucks. Sucks ass.

 I’m home today, a sick day from work, because I helped take care of my grandbabies all weekend, who have a virus. That was worth the extra pain. Going to the mall? Not worth it.

 On to other stuff:

 I work in law, and I deal with a lot of lawyers, yet thankfully I don’t work directly for any of them, and, what asshats. Many days I wonder how these people passed the bar exam.?????? How can one practice an area of law, that he/she has no clue about? How scary is that? When you hire an attorney, you expect him to know what he’s doing, right? Often, that is so not the case.

 And wtf are pajama jeans? Are we that lazy? We don’t need to get ‘dressed’ anymore? I just saw a commercial for them – and ‘no way’

 You know what? When you’re home not feeling well, don’t watch Benny & Joon.

Oh the Meth

I suck at blogging – it’s obvious.  I’d rather read other blogs on my lunchtime.  But I’m finally here.

Anyway, the RA gremlin shit on me recently, so I’m on methotrexate.  Low dose.  And, no side effects, but rather I feel better.  who knew, chemo could really make you feel better?  Except it’s once a week, and wears off after about 5 days, and then the joint pain sneaks back – and with a vengeance.  Crap.

So what to do?  Pain and deformity, or toxic drug?  i don’t know.

Update – Had to make it short last night as my grandbaby started running a fever and I had to be supergrandma.

So, as to what to do?  I’ll take the meds, because the pain and severe fatigue are not worth it.  It is so bad at times, that I wonder sometimes if it’s worth staying alive and being like this.

And then along comes Meth, and the pain eases, then subsides, and the fatigue lifts – and then I can live again.  Live like I haven’t been able to in over 10 years.  I’m not like I was before this shit hit, but it’s good enough that I’ll take it.

I can pick up my grandbaby, cook a meal for the whole family ( as long as that’s the only thing I do that day ) even take a short trip out to a store. 

 I actually went out last week and bought underwear.  Exciting?  Yes.  I haven’t had new underwear in over 5 years.  Yeah I know, gross.  Everything else I buy online, but underwear?  No, I need to get that in person.  And I wanted a purple bra – which I got.

So, it comes down to – drugs that shorten lifespan, or the diseases that shorten lifespan anyway?  Without the drugs, life sucks.

So, I’ll take the Meth anyday.